Saddam To Reassemble Dream Team For Defense
Defense attorney’s have the sacred obligation to put aside personal morality to vigorously defend their clients.
“Face it,” said the former Iraqi strongman, “These guys just didn’t have a winning attitude. Most of our meetings involved strategies to merely have me hanged, and not disemboweled, drawn and quartered.”
But facing an impending trial and the possibility of sitting at the defendant’s table surrounded by empty chairs, Saddam made a momentous decision: to reassemble the “Dream Team” of attorneys that saved Orenthal James Simpson from lethal injection in the early 90s.
Legal experts say similarities in the cases abound. Like OJ, Hussein is accused of murdering a former wife (along with a few million others). Also like OJ, Hussein had the nickname “Juice”, in Saddam’s case for his propensity for the battery- terminal torture of prisoners. And Hussein was captured after a low- speed bunker chase, entertaining thoughts of suicide until finally submitting to custody in his
Wednesday, a planeload of top American attorneys touched down at Baghdad International, ready to take up the challenge.
F. Lee Bailey quickly took control of publicity surrounding the case, claiming that while Hussein admitted to “getting physical” with the Iraqi people, it didn’t necessarily follow that he was a genocidal maniac.
Alan Dershowitz, whose business card has noticeably donned a hastily- penciled- in “Iraqi” before the words “Constitutional Scholar”, said that the newness of the Iraqi Constitution created a special challenge for him. He’ll have to work fast to find all the hidden inalienable rights which Iraqi judges haven’t had time to discover yet.
Barry Scheck noted that he would shoulder the burden of the technical aspects of the case. With over 300,000 pieces of DNA evidence, Scheck assured that he would be going over every last one– in detail– at the trial.
Although Judge Lance Ito was not available due to prior commitments, Judge Joe Brown has agreed to take his place.
Sadly, superstar attorney Johnny Cochran died earlier this year, leaving a huge hole in the defense team’s catchy- rhyming- phrase department. But Hussein is curiously unconcerned.
“This not a problem,” said Hussein in his soft- spoken, broken English. “Many Iraqi people they say are ‘dead’, lived years in my prisons. I kidnap enough of his family– Cochran come.”
Hussein has vowed that after he is fully acquitted, he will never stop searching “for the real tyrant”.
Linked on Political Teen, Don Surber, TMH’s Bacon Bits, Wizbang, http://stoptheaclu.com/archives/2005/11/19/king-of-spades-open-trackbacks-ii/, Samantha Burns, MacStansbury, The Uncooperative Blogger, Stuck on Stupid.
HT: Dymphna.
November 17th, 2005 at 9:06 am
I just got up this morning and logged on to politicalteen.net and linked over to your article, “Saddam To Reassemble Dream Team For Defense”. It is great to be able to get out of bed and have a good laugh first thing in the morning. Thanks a bunch.
November 17th, 2005 at 1:05 pm
Wil Saddam show that his finger is much to big to push the button that launches gas filled missiles? If the button doesn’t fit; you must aquit.
November 17th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
Doctor, this post has been hung up since Monday because I couldn’t figure out a stupid rhyme for Johnny Cochran. Finally, I just gave up.
Thanks for pointing out my abject failure. I feel much better now.
November 19th, 2005 at 10:38 am
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