Thursday Morning
The salty tang of sea air fills my nostrils. I ride along a stretch of beachfront, atop a powerful stallion. Lars’ hands are clasped tightly around my muscular waist as we fly across the sands.
The failure of my mole utopia still stings, but the grandeur and beauty of the panorama surrounding me helps ease my sadness.
Wednesday Afternoon
All hope is lost!
This morning I awoke to a severe headache and an unusually large amount of duct tape and leaves wrapped around my nether regions. I don’t know what happened over the last few days, but I am guessing that when my speakers fell over the side of the cliff with Fritz & Deiter, the shock caused me to pass out.
To make matters worse, I discovered that we had found our way into the dead center of Mirkwood, a forest that is nearly inescapable save the few paths that run through it; paths that my minions had foolishly tricked me into leaving far behind.
Tuesday Night
It is Lars again.
I will not go into detail how I managed to bargain my way out of the bear cave, as I find the memory very painful to recall. The extremely degrading things certain bears asked of me has convinced me that bears are undoubtably the most sexually degenerate of all nature’s creatures.
(more…)
Monday Afternoon
I am a fool.
What to my old, indulgent self seemed like a harrowing week of starvation and life-threatening situations, was actually a gift to be feasted upon.
As I signed off last time, I was being stalked by a pack of wolves. The chase was legendary, until they finally surrounded me in a small oak grove, their fangs dripping with saliva, ready for the kill. I was forced to fight them or die.
Friday Night
I don’t know how I am still alive, but I must get out of this cave of horrors.
The bears have been mauling me for hours on end, each one taking turns biting and slashing my face or groin while the other ones hold me down. They have also been tending to my wounds and wrapping my body in bandages, all so they can maul me again later.
I’ve also noticed that several new bears seemed to have traveled here so they can maul me. The original four bears has now tripled to twelve; at least two more seem to be arriving every hour.
The big bear also seems to be mauling me more and more, and making strange advances. Already he’s forced me to wear make-up made from smashed wild berries, dirt and some other substance I can’t identify. He’s been mauling me until I dance for him, then he mauls me again. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
I am going to make a break for it tomorrow morning, I hope I will make it past the bear sentries posted at the cave’s exit.
Pray for me.